I'm With You is available at:
Amazon (in paperback or Kindle)
When the doctors inform Chloe Brennan that her pregnancy is “incompatible with life,” her subsequent choices will change her path forever.
She becomes one of the quiet, unsung heroes of this world, incredibly strong, yet somehow wrongly looked upon as damaged.
Three people will pierce Chloe’s existence: her husband, a stranger, and a precious baby.
One will say goodbye, one will say hello, and one will say both at the same time.
I’m With You is a novel about selfless love and the sacredness of life.
Please note: While this book is a romance novel, it also deals with the sensitive issue of baby loss grief.
The emotions are real, and sometimes dark.
If you are sensitive to this issue, this may not be the book for you.
I'm With You is a romance novel.
But, it also includes my daughter's Trisomy 18 story. Below are the thoughts I wrote on the one year anniversary of losing Jerad:
On December 20, 2011, I received a phone call from my daughter. She sounded happy, as happy as she could be under the circumstances. She was on her way to a doctor appointment, the appointment wherein the inducement date for her unborn child would be scheduled so that we could all plan to be there. We were all desirous to meet her precious son, Jerad.
We knew even then it would be a short greeting. We hoped for five minutes.
Not too much to ask for, right?
Let me backtrack.
I promised myself I would write a blog post on the anniversary of losing our precious Jerad. I asked my daughter for permission to share her story. She agreed, knowing it would be therapeutic. Not sure why, but I've felt hesitant to write this. The memories are painful--and yet precious all at the same time.
Here it goes . . .
My daughter and her husband joyfully received the news that they were expecting a baby. Only one short month later, they received the news that their baby had a condition known as Trisomy 18. I'd never heard of it before. The 18th chromosome triples upon conception. The resulting birth defects are described as "incompatible with life." Trisomy 18 babies rarely survive birth--and if they do, they don't live for very long. Yet, by some sort of twisted fate, they tend to thrive inside the womb.
What?
My daughter was told the pregnancy would proceed somewhat normally but, more than likely, the baby would not survive birth.
I can't imagine a more heart-breaking scenario.
My daughter decided to see the pregnancy through. What if the doctors were wrong? It's been known to happen. Maybe the baby would be fine and if there was any chance whatsoever to have her precious son, she would do it. I told her I was very proud of her for her decision. She said, "There was never another option, Mom."
That's why I was proud of her.
It wasn't easy, though. Weekly ultrasound appointments revealed a thriving, active--albeit small--baby boy. Clearly, he had some developmental issues--and some severe heart defects. Still, our hopes soared.
When adversity strikes in our lives, our perspective often changes. Ours did. We hoped for five minutes with Jerad. Just a few moments to look into his eyes and tell him we loved him. Just a few moments to see his spirit shining out through his eyes, a moment to say goodbye.
It wasn't meant to be.
Our little Jerad lost his fight to live at eight months gestation.
On December 20, 2011 I received a second phone call from my daughter. This time she was crying. Sobbing. The weekly ultrasound had revealed that Jerad no longer had a heartbeat. It was one of those moments where you remember exactly what you were doing at the time. I was making Christmas cookies, the cookie cutter kind. Christmas music was playing. The presents were wrapped. The cards had been sent out. It was finally time to relax and enjoy Christmas.
Everything changed in that moment.
My daughter would be induced to deliver the baby. In the meantime, she was told to go home and rest.
Her baby had passed inside of her and they wanted her to rest? She had to go through labor and delivery? Somehow everything seemed so incredibly unfair.
We knew all along she could lose the baby at any time. And it didn't matter one iota. We never gave up hope that Jerad would be a miracle and defy medical science.
We dropped everything and rushed to my daughter's house. She lives seven hours away. Due to travel constraints, we left all of the presents under the tree. They'd still be there when we returned home.
On December 22, 2011, one year ago today, Jerad was born. In spite of everything, he was beautiful. I was able to hold him in my arms and it was truly one of the most precious moments of my life. Only three months earlier I'd held my first grandson in my arms. (my oldest daughter's son) The difference was marked. Jerad was lifeless in my arms.
I spent Christmas at my daughter's side, helping her through the recovery process. My parents traveled from a great distance to join us. There were no presents and none of the usual trappings. At the time, I missed the Christmas celebration desperately and I thought it was a horrible Christmas. Our only happiness was in being together.
But then, isn't that all that really matters?
Now as we embark upon another Christmas, the memories of last Christmas are so very strong. And it's only now that I realize just how tender and humble a Christmas it really was. This year we will have the presents, the cookies, the music, the laughter. Yet, I'll never forget last Christmas and taking care of my daughter who had unselfishly done all that she could to give life to a precious child.
So, these are my thoughts on this day, December 22, 2012 as I remember my grandson, Jerad.
We knew even then it would be a short greeting. We hoped for five minutes.
Not too much to ask for, right?
Let me backtrack.
I promised myself I would write a blog post on the anniversary of losing our precious Jerad. I asked my daughter for permission to share her story. She agreed, knowing it would be therapeutic. Not sure why, but I've felt hesitant to write this. The memories are painful--and yet precious all at the same time.
Here it goes . . .
My daughter and her husband joyfully received the news that they were expecting a baby. Only one short month later, they received the news that their baby had a condition known as Trisomy 18. I'd never heard of it before. The 18th chromosome triples upon conception. The resulting birth defects are described as "incompatible with life." Trisomy 18 babies rarely survive birth--and if they do, they don't live for very long. Yet, by some sort of twisted fate, they tend to thrive inside the womb.
What?
My daughter was told the pregnancy would proceed somewhat normally but, more than likely, the baby would not survive birth.
I can't imagine a more heart-breaking scenario.
My daughter decided to see the pregnancy through. What if the doctors were wrong? It's been known to happen. Maybe the baby would be fine and if there was any chance whatsoever to have her precious son, she would do it. I told her I was very proud of her for her decision. She said, "There was never another option, Mom."
That's why I was proud of her.
It wasn't easy, though. Weekly ultrasound appointments revealed a thriving, active--albeit small--baby boy. Clearly, he had some developmental issues--and some severe heart defects. Still, our hopes soared.
When adversity strikes in our lives, our perspective often changes. Ours did. We hoped for five minutes with Jerad. Just a few moments to look into his eyes and tell him we loved him. Just a few moments to see his spirit shining out through his eyes, a moment to say goodbye.
It wasn't meant to be.
Our little Jerad lost his fight to live at eight months gestation.
On December 20, 2011 I received a second phone call from my daughter. This time she was crying. Sobbing. The weekly ultrasound had revealed that Jerad no longer had a heartbeat. It was one of those moments where you remember exactly what you were doing at the time. I was making Christmas cookies, the cookie cutter kind. Christmas music was playing. The presents were wrapped. The cards had been sent out. It was finally time to relax and enjoy Christmas.
Everything changed in that moment.
My daughter would be induced to deliver the baby. In the meantime, she was told to go home and rest.
Her baby had passed inside of her and they wanted her to rest? She had to go through labor and delivery? Somehow everything seemed so incredibly unfair.
We knew all along she could lose the baby at any time. And it didn't matter one iota. We never gave up hope that Jerad would be a miracle and defy medical science.
We dropped everything and rushed to my daughter's house. She lives seven hours away. Due to travel constraints, we left all of the presents under the tree. They'd still be there when we returned home.
On December 22, 2011, one year ago today, Jerad was born. In spite of everything, he was beautiful. I was able to hold him in my arms and it was truly one of the most precious moments of my life. Only three months earlier I'd held my first grandson in my arms. (my oldest daughter's son) The difference was marked. Jerad was lifeless in my arms.
I spent Christmas at my daughter's side, helping her through the recovery process. My parents traveled from a great distance to join us. There were no presents and none of the usual trappings. At the time, I missed the Christmas celebration desperately and I thought it was a horrible Christmas. Our only happiness was in being together.
But then, isn't that all that really matters?
Now as we embark upon another Christmas, the memories of last Christmas are so very strong. And it's only now that I realize just how tender and humble a Christmas it really was. This year we will have the presents, the cookies, the music, the laughter. Yet, I'll never forget last Christmas and taking care of my daughter who had unselfishly done all that she could to give life to a precious child.
So, these are my thoughts on this day, December 22, 2012 as I remember my grandson, Jerad.
Now it is April 17th, 2014 and I've just released I'm With You. I was finally able to put all of my thoughts on paper and write a book about our experience. I feel as though he will always be remembered through this book and I'm so glad I wrote it. Above all, it helped me deal with our loss. I'm also thankful to my daughter and son-in-law for allowing me to share their story with the world. Hopefully it will help others who are dealing with the overwhelming grief of losing a child.
There is a beautiful song dedicated to the families of Trismoy 18 and 13 babies. It brought me great comfort when we lost Jerad--and it still does even to this day.
It is by Craig Cardiff and it is called,
"Smallest and Wingless."
It is by Craig Cardiff and it is called,
"Smallest and Wingless."
THE OLD COVER
Five Star Reviews
I was fortunate enough to receive a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
An amazing book as well as heartfelt, I cried and felt my heart break with Chloe. It's amazing how these tragic moments in our lives shape our futures, and this wonderful grandson of Ms. Dean's gave her the strength, courage and words to let others know about grief as well as Trisomy 18. Since initially reading the synopsis, I've been wanting to read about this journey of love and loss, agony and hope, and would like everyone to know how amazing this book turned out.
After finishing this novel, I had to immediately sit down and email Ms. Dean about how powerful the responses were that she invoked with her words. As a mother of two, I felt every deep emotion that Ms. Dean was portraying, and my heart went out to the characters Chloe and Mark for their loss. I won't reiterate the synopsis because I do not like to leave spoilers, but I do feel that this is an ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY book for those who love romance, strong emotions, and hope when one reads as well as for those who have experienced loss.
Bravo, Ms. Dean!
~Katherine (Book Reviewer)
Amazing! This romance deals with the unique topic of child loss, specifically to Trisomy 18 syndrome. The feelings of grief that were painted throughout this story made me feel one with Chloe. I felt her pain, her loss, her detachment from others and understood WHY. It makes me want to never be quiet or ignore someone else when they are suffering from loss of any kind. Silence, or pretending something tragic didn’t happen when it did, causes the griever to feel even more alone. Telling someone to get over their pain or grief--to move on--doesn’t help; it just isolates them even more. Chloe’s story of grief, growth and healing is poignant and had me wanting to shed tears one moment and then smiling as hope took root and bloomed in her heart.
As for the love story between Chloe and Jack, it was incredible too. That’s even more amazing that Dean could weave in an intense, wonderful love story that makes you smile, laugh and sigh throughout all the pain and grief. But she did it like an expert.
I love Taylor Dean’s books, but this one touched a deep chord in me. I finished reading it early this morning and then started over to just soak in the feelings and words of wisdom. I feel this could be painful to someone who has lost a child…but also very freeing to read and know you’re not alone. The author’s daughter lost an angel child to this syndrome, so Dean handles the subject with passion, yet careful consideration and compassion. It’s a heartfelt work of love, and I’m grateful to have been enlightened and inspired by this story. I will never view grief the same, and I will never ignore another experiencing it, thinking that I might put my foot in my mouth if I try to be there for them. Better to eat shoe leather than isolate someone because they think I don’t care.
*I was given a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
~Charissa of Joy in the Moments
I was fortunate enough to receive a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This is the third book that I have read by Taylor Dean, and each book is totally different from the others. This author does not have a formula that she uses to write each book. Each book has a totally different story and focus, and yet each one is still better than the other.
This book was based on Taylor Dean’s grandchild who was born with Trisomy 18. I had never heard of this before, so this part of the story was all new to me. The story itself is so amazing that these characters became close friends of mine. The events are realistic and could happen to any of us. The characters react to the situations very realistically. Because of that, I went through every emotion they did. There is some sadness in this story, but the love story was so powerful and so interesting that I could not put the book down. In fact, I woke up at 4:30 this morning and decided to read for a half hour or so.. Needless to say, I never went back to sleep until I finished the entire book.
I am not giving anything away if I say that the heroine is a strong, selfless, loving woman and the hero is an honorable, exciting and caring man. Of course there is an HEA.
The price of this book is only $0.99 on Amazon right now, so this would be a good time to buy this book. When you read it, I am sure you will end up buying all of her other books as I have done.
~Lisa (Book Reviewer)
I was given this book for free from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review.
Wow! I don't even know where to begin with this book.... I love books that can make you feel very strong emotions, even if that emotion is grief and heartache.
Taylor Dean creates a beautiful story of loss, grief, and love; I think it makes the story much more real knowing that it is based off her daughter's experience with the death of a child. I can not even imagine what that must have been like.
Once I started this book I couldn't put it down and there were times that I could not read fast enough! I loved the plot twists; there was one part that I actually had to set my Kindle down and talk to my husband about what was happening. All of the characters had such a depth that makes the reader feel like they are real people, yes I even loved Mark (though it was more of a love/hate relationship).
I would definitely recommend this book to my friends!
WARNING: If you do not like clean romance or sad stories then this book is probably not for you.
~Jana (Book Reviewer)
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